*spoiler alert for anyone who hasn't seen the most up to date episodes. ps. what's wrong with you??*
wow, where to begin. it's been an interesting journey. from the beginning of the series, to the growth and increasing depth of Cally, to finding out she would be killed, to now the whole world finding out! i am of course saddened, but relieved to finally be able to talk about it, and also excited because "when the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window." (you'll have to excuse me, i just watched the Sound of Music on the plane home from Germany.) but yes, the emotional journey i have experienced in the last year has been intense. starting with a phone call.. the producers, david and ron, kindly broke the news to me personally. when their assistant called me to set up the call, my thoughts were: well, they're either calling because they want to congratulate me on becoming one of the leading characters of the upcoming season, or... it was Cally's turn for a dramatic exit into space. my spidey senses hinted at the latter, but still denial is a wonderful thing. for a while after i found out, i tried to play it cool, as if it was no big thing, a great opportunity, blah blah blah.. but after enough people asked me with sad eyes how i felt about it, i started to really think about what it meant to me that this part of my life was coming to an end.
in a very real sense, i did experience a death - of a part of my life that was very special to me. and in some ways i feel fortunate to have experienced it as such a literal transition off the show, opposed to one day simply being finished. the actual shooting of my final episode was very moving for me. i explored parts of myself i hadn't before on film and was able to draw very real parallels between how i was feeling about leaving the show and what Cally was going through in her loss (pill popping and suicide aside, of course.) tribute to michael nankin, the director of 'the ties that bind,' who generously invested so much of his artistic talent and theatrical vision, and worked with me closely in making Cally's swan song a struggle to remember. i feel very proud of the work we did and to have had the privilege of collaborating in a way that is rather unusual in tv land. i think what i found the most moving though, was the support and sensitivity of the people surrounding me. from Eddie and Mary giving me gifts and cards, to the whole crew sharing their condolences, to the professionalism and dedication of everyone to making quality television. i don't know that i had such an appreciation of what we share on Battlestar before that experience, and i am grateful for it.
i would also like to express that it has been HELL trying to keep it a secret for so long! i was starting to feel like a fugitive! the writer's strike was somewhat of a saving grace when people were asking me what i was up to. you see, the trouble with being on such a successful show is even your friends are fans, so i had to be very careful who i spoke to and about what. my most common strategy was just to be vague and pretend like i didn't really know what was going on, but that gets tiresome and a little weird. even still there are some of my friends who haven't caught up and i'm like, "just watch the first 3 episodes already! then we can talk." some casting directors even got a little flustered when i'd tell them i was available for work on other projects. but now that it's all out in the open, i feel like we can all be friends again :-)
anyway, i want to thank all of you for your tremendous support and thoughtful messages. i am the luckiest sci fi star in the universe!